Redefining Success | Resorting Life Balance
boost your confidence
#10 Boost Your Confidence
What is it that is holding you back? When I say ‘holding you back’, I mean, stopping you from fulfilling your true potential and realising your dreams?
Most people hold themselves back because of a lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities. We’ve always been taught to follow the rules, speak when spoken to and to live within the confines of our station within society.
This is where the majority of people will stay, looking through the glass, wondering what life on the other side is like.
For those that have rebelled against these views and have broken free of the metaphorical shackles, they have moulded their lives into whatever they have dared to dream.
As we grow, we learn how the world works and what our capabilities are; but, the older we get, we start to forget that, as we learn, it takes time to understand and master a subject. We cannot know everything instantly.
Our lives are no exception yet we expect to be able to know everything about everything, either at the touch of a button or just through life experience. But, how can we ever know how to ‘be’ just by Googling the question?
Like all things, becoming the person we desire takes time and growing our confidence is no different. We need to understand that this trait isn’t something that is handed out to the privileged few but it’s within all of us from the start; we just need to learn how to discover it and use it wisely. Confidence is a skill that needs time to be learned and nurtured.
For example, do you remember learning to ride a bike as a child? I do; it was a confusing and oftentimes, painful experience. When I had learnt how to engage my brain and my feet together on the pedals, I was able to master riding unaided. This didn’t happen in 5 minutes; it happened over a long period of time with lots of support from loved ones as well as much practice from me.
What I’m trying to get at is, YOU HAVE THE CONFIDENCE WITHIN YOU… you just need to find it and master it; just like riding a bike.
Within time and finding opportunities to push your boundaries, you will be able to recognise this confidence and start to feel more at ease with bringing it out into the world.
What can you do to find your confidence?
I’ve worked with many people that have experienced the same issue and with support and expert guidance, they have all been able to uncover aspects of themselves they didn’t believe existed.
One client, Hannah, was in a dark place and had lost her self worth and the belief that she was capable of achieving her dreams. She was in a perpetual cycle of negative self-talk and had hit rock bottom. Just a few sessions later, we had identified the triggers for her lack of confidence and what she needed to do to silence the negative voices and she set her goals for what she wanted to achieve, thus rediscovering the fire inside of her.
One of the things she said which I think we should all remember is …
We need to remember that, just because we believe we are something, doesn’t mean we can’t invest in our own growth and transformation into what we want to be; it’s just a reminder that it is a journey and not an immediate result.
Just wanting to build on your own confidence is the best start to your journey. Get a pen and a notepad and jot down what your heart truly desires. Are there some wild dreams that you could never imagine being possible? Write them all down! This is YOUR list of dreams, set to become a tangible set of goals.
Next, you will need to think about each point you have written and identify why you haven’t pursued it or why it hasn’t previously been successful. What is it that has held you back? What stopped you from getting to the end goal?
Here are some common thoughts that will slowly erode your confidence to push your boundaries. Which ones do you identify with?:
- I’m not good enough
- What will they think?
- I’m not from the right background to achieve that
- I wouldn’t know where to start with that so I’ll stay safe and not bother
- I’m not intelligent enough
- I haven’t got enough qualifications
- I’ve failed at so many other things, I’d only fail again
- I’m not brave enough
We all have doubts in ourselves from time to time but to let the negative rule our lives constantly will only lead to self-doubt and our goals remaining in the impossible dream category.
Now you have your written list of dreams, put it somewhere you will see it daily. Remind yourself what you want to achieve and who you want to be. This reminder will be a daily catalyst to make the changes you need, in order to achieve your dreams.
Take it to the next level...
Now, make a list of goals that will help you achieve the points on your list. Identify where you would need to step out of your comfort zone and make sure you keep these as a priority. Even if it makes you feel on edge about ticking these off, try and push yourself to get them done, sooner rather than later.
Let’s look at an example:
Jonny runs regularly to keep fit but has always wanted to run a marathon. He has never had the confidence to consider it before as He doesn’t feel he could ever run the whole distance and worries that his friends and family would laugh at the thought of it.
By taking the simple steps above, Jonny writes down his main goal of running the London Marathon. He then breaks it down into smaller goals:
- Make an application for the marathon for next year
- Tell his closest family and friends that he has applied – celebrate it on social media
- Hire a personal trainer for two sessions a month for accountability
- Increase daily runs by 10 minutes per day
- Complete a half marathon within the next 6 months
- Run a practice distance at least once a month within 6 months
As Jonny ticks off each of the goals to realise his dream, he is building his confidence to actually complete the marathon.
As you achieve each goal, make sure to reflect on your progress and look at how you accomplished it. How does it make you feel to tick it off the list? What did you do that took you out of your comfort zone? How did this build your confidence?
You can now see how to get to where you want to be and what are the blockades in the way. Building your confidence slowly will give you the momentum to move from one thing to the next, smashing through the barriers that once held you in limbo.
By looking at the destination, we can map out how we can get there. We might hit a few bumps in the road but we know that if we slow down, identify the risk, continue slowly and surely, we will get to the other side. This is how we grow and evolve as humans.
Take a look at my video about overcoming my fear of online videos.
What will you do now? You’ve identified to yourself that you want to build your confidence to realise your dreams. Going it alone is possible but can be scary without the right support.
Make sure you get your closest friends and family onboard and understand what it is that you are looking to achieve and tell them how they can best support you.
Book in a call with me. We can chat about where your limiting beliefs have come from and I can help you find the right course of action for YOU. We can talk about your dreams, goals, desires and map out how you can achieve what you may be thinking is impossible.
Take the steps today to build your tomorrow!