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A Mother’s Struggle with Social Anxiety and Identity Loss

A Mother’s Struggle with Social Anxiety and Identity Loss

Redefining Success | Resorting Life Balance

A Mother’s Struggle with Social Anxiety and Identity Loss

We often think of procrastination as something that shows up in obvious ways—avoiding a big project at work or putting off chores. But procrastination can appear in subtler forms, ones we might not immediately recognise as avoidance. For many, it’s not just about delaying tasks but about evading deeper, more personal issues. One such example is a mother whose entire identity has been centred around her children, and when they leave the nest, she is left feeling lost, alone, and overwhelmed by social anxiety.

This is the story of Alexia. Like many mothers, Alexia spent years focusing on her children—raising them, supporting them, and building a life around their needs. Her identity became rooted in her role as a mother, and she found meaning in this role. But once her children grew up and moved on, Alexia began to feel adrift, as if she no longer had a clear purpose. The result? Procrastination—not in the traditional sense of avoiding work, but in avoiding life itself.

“I am in a rut and avoiding everything,” she shared. “I do a lot of cleaning to avoid going to work and meeting friends. I feel more comfortable procrastinating.”

Procrastination can be a coping mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from facing painful realities. For Alexia, the loss of her role as an active mother triggered feelings of failure and anxiety. As her children moved on, she began to feel like she had nothing left to offer. Socialising became daunting because, in her mind, she wasn’t the vibrant, engaging person she once was.

“I feel like I have nothing to give anybody or talk about, except moaning or getting upset,” she said. “Why would anyone want to be around someone negative?”

This spiral of self-doubt only deepened her isolation, feeding her anxiety. Alexia started going for walks, but even those small outings were an escape from people rather than a way to connect. “I go out occasionally for a little walk to avoid people,” she admitted.

Her procrastination wasn’t just about putting off social activities. It began to seep into other parts of her life—tasks that used to be routine started to feel overwhelming. Alexia would clean obsessively, as if the act of cleaning could distract her from the emotions she was struggling to face. Or she would turn to Netflix for comfort, finding temporary relief in the distraction, but only deepening the cycle of avoidance.

When procrastination stems from emotional pain, it can be hard to recognise at first. What starts as delaying a conversation or postponing an event can eventually become avoidance of everything—life itself. For Alexia, it wasn’t just social anxiety that held her back; it was the fear that she no longer had an identity outside of motherhood. As she watched her children move forward in their lives, she felt both proud and jealous, left wondering where she fit into the world now that her primary role had shifted.

“A big trigger of this was each of my children moving on and living their lives. They are happy, and I am part jealous,” she reflected. “My identity has been being a mum, and I didn’t develop enough about myself.”

This is a reality many mothers face: when the kids leave, who am I? If our identity has been solely tied to one role for so long, the loss of that role can feel like losing ourselves. And in that uncertainty, it’s easy to start avoiding the world, to push away the things that remind us of the parts we feel are missing.

Alexia’s story is a powerful reminder that procrastination is not always about laziness or lack of discipline. Sometimes, it’s about fear—fear of facing the world when we no longer recognise ourselves in it. It’s about the anxiety of not knowing where we fit, and the comfort we find in distracting ourselves from that pain.

But here’s the truth: we are more than one role. Alexia, like so many other mothers, has so much more to offer than she realises. Her identity is not just being a mother—it’s in her passions, her interests, her kindness, and her potential to connect with others on a deeper level. The key is in recognising that procrastination, in this case, is a signal that something deeper needs to be addressed.

When we start to face the feelings we’ve been avoiding—when we challenge the thoughts that tell us we aren’t enough—we can begin to break free from the cycle of procrastination. And in doing so, we rediscover not only who we are but the value we still have to offer the world.

If you find yourself stuck in a similar rut, feeling like you’ve lost your sense of identity or struggling with social anxiety, know that you are not alone. Procrastination may be the way you’ve been coping, but it doesn’t have to define you. You have the power to reconnect with yourself, one step at a time.

And remember: it’s never too late to rediscover who you are, beyond the roles you’ve played.

 

Relate to this?

If you relate to Alexia’s story—if you find yourself avoiding life, feeling lost in your role, or overwhelmed by social anxiety—know that there’s a way forward. You don’t have to face this journey alone. A coach can help you unravel the layers of procrastination, rebuild your confidence, and rediscover your identity beyond the roles you’ve played.

You don’t need to wait for the “right” time to start living again. By working with a coach, you can begin to take those first small steps toward overcoming anxiety, building your self-esteem, and reconnecting with the world around you.

Ready to take that first step?
I invite you to schedule a free consultation where we’ll explore your unique challenges and map out a plan to help you move forward. Together, we can create a path that feels doable, empowering, and most importantly, aligned with who you truly are.

Reach out today, and let’s start the journey to reclaiming your life and confidence.

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Tammy Whalen Blake

Founder of go to yellow
Personal Development Coach

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How To Be Curious?

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Redefining Success | Resorting Life Balance

how to be curious?

In a world often overshadowed by uncertainty and distraction, the quest for purpose emerges as a beacon of hope—an elusive yet essential pursuit that resonates deeply with individuals seeking fulfilment and meaning in their lives. Go To Yellow emerges as a beacon of guidance, offering expertise in personal development coaching that transcends borders. Rooted in a wealth of scientific research, their approach revolves around harnessing curiosity to illuminate the path towards their true calling.

Central to Go To Yellow’s philosophy addresses the common struggle of feeling uninspired—a phenomenon with profound psychological underpinnings. Studies in psychology suggest that a lack of purpose can lead to feelings of aimlessness and disengagement, affecting mental well-being and overall satisfaction with life. By recognising and addressing this challenge, Go To Yellow sets the stage for transformative growth.

Enter Tammy Whalen Blake, the visionary founder behind Go To Yellow, whose pioneering personal development approach has revolutionised how individuals perceive and pursue their purpose. Drawing upon years of experience and insight, Tammy has developed a groundbreaking methodology known as the “10 Questions” technique, a strategic framework grounded in cognitive science. Research on curiosity reveals that it is a fundamental motivator for learning and exploration, activating neural pathways associated with reward and pleasure. By encouraging individuals to delve into the details of everyday experiences, the “10 Questions” technique stimulates curiosity, fostering a sense of wonder and discovery.

At its core, the “10 Questions” technique encourages individuals to delve deep into the minutiae of everyday experiences, prompting them to ask ten probing questions about a single detail. Whether it’s a casual conversation with a colleague, a fleeting observation in nature, or a mundane task performed in routine, every moment becomes an opportunity for exploration and discovery.

Consider, for instance, a simple anecdote shared by a friend about their weekend activities, recounting their efforts to refurbish an old car. Rather than passively absorbing this information, participants of the “10 Questions” technique are encouraged to engage their curiosity by posing a series of inquiries about the car—its history, the restoration process, the challenges encountered, and beyond.

Initially, embracing this inquisitive mindset may feel unfamiliar or even daunting. Yet, Go To Yellow emphasises the importance of celebrating every step towards curiosity, recognising each engagement moment as a triumph. With time and practice, what once seemed arduous becomes second nature, and the ten-question threshold is surpassed with ease.

Neuroplasticity, the brain’s remarkable ability to reorganise and adapt, plays a pivotal role in the effectiveness of Go To Yellow’s approach. Studies have shown that engaging in curiosity-driven activities can enhance neuroplasticity, strengthening synaptic connections and promoting cognitive flexibility.

Through consistent practice, participants of the “10 Questions” technique develop a heightened capacity for curiosity, enabling them to uncover hidden passions and purpose.

Furthermore, interpersonal relationships are deeply influenced by the cultivation of curiosity—a principle supported by social neuroscience. Research suggests that curiosity fosters empathy and connection, promoting positive social interactions and deeper understanding between individuals. By actively listening and engaging with others, participants enrich their lives and contribute to society’s collective fabric.

As Go To Yellow continues to champion the transformative power of curiosity, it reaffirms its commitment to guiding individuals towards a life rich in meaning, authenticity, and purpose. So, dare to be curious, and let the journey towards self-discovery begin—a journey illuminated by the unwavering light of Go To Yellow.

Schedule a Call

Speak to us about your aspirations today during a no-obligation 30-minute video call. We’ll help you chart a path to freedom, and you can decide whether investing in your personal growth is right for you.

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Tammy Whalen Blake

Founder of go to yellow
Personal Development Coach

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Boost Your Confidence

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Redefining Success | Resorting Life Balance

boost your confidence

#10 Boost Your Confidence

What is it that is holding you back? When I say ‘holding you back’, I mean, stopping you from fulfilling your true potential and realising your dreams? 

Most people hold themselves back because of a lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities. We’ve always been taught to follow the rules, speak when spoken to and to live within the confines of our station within society.

This is where the majority of people will stay, looking through the glass, wondering what life on the other side is like. 

For those that have rebelled against these views and have broken free of the metaphorical shackles, they have moulded their lives into whatever they have dared to dream. 

As we grow, we learn how the world works and what our capabilities are; but, the older we get, we start to forget that, as we learn, it takes time to understand and master a subject. We cannot know everything instantly.

Our lives are no exception yet we expect to be able to know everything about everything, either at the touch of a button or just through life experience. But, how can we ever know how to ‘be’ just by Googling the question?

Like all things, becoming the person we desire takes time and growing our confidence is no different. We need to understand that this trait isn’t something that is handed out to the privileged few but it’s within all of us from the start; we just need to learn how to discover it and use it wisely. Confidence is a skill that needs time to be learned and nurtured.

For example, do you remember learning to ride a bike as a child? I do; it was a confusing and oftentimes, painful experience. When I had learnt how to engage my brain and my feet together on the pedals, I was able to master riding unaided. This didn’t happen in 5 minutes; it happened over a long period of time with lots of support from loved ones as well as much practice from me. 

What I’m trying to get at is, YOU HAVE THE CONFIDENCE WITHIN YOU… you just need to find it and master it; just like riding a bike.

Within time and finding opportunities to push your boundaries, you will be able to recognise this confidence and start to feel more at ease with bringing it out into the world.

What can you do to find your confidence?

I’ve worked with many people that have experienced the same issue and with support and expert guidance, they have all been able to uncover aspects of themselves they didn’t believe existed. 

One client, Hannah, was in a dark place and had lost her self worth and the belief that she was capable of achieving her dreams. She was in a perpetual cycle of negative self-talk and had hit rock bottom. Just a few sessions later, we had identified the triggers for her lack of confidence and what she needed to do to silence the negative voices and she set her goals for what she wanted to achieve, thus rediscovering the fire inside of her. 

One of the things she said which I think we should all remember is …

“it is a never-ending path but we can enjoy the journey on the way” 

We need to remember that, just because we believe we are something, doesn’t mean we can’t invest in our own growth and transformation into what we want to be; it’s just a reminder that it is a journey and not an immediate result.

Just wanting to build on your own confidence is the best start to your journey. Get a pen and a notepad and jot down what your heart truly desires. Are there some wild dreams that you could never imagine being possible? Write them all down! This is YOUR list of dreams, set to become a tangible set of goals.

Next, you will need to think about each point you have written and identify why you haven’t pursued it or why it hasn’t previously been successful. What is it that has held you back? What stopped you from getting to the end goal?  

Here are some common thoughts that will slowly erode your confidence to push your boundaries. Which ones do you identify with?:

  • I’m not good enough
  • What will they think?
  • I’m not from the right background to achieve that
  • I wouldn’t know where to start with that so I’ll stay safe and not bother
  • I’m not intelligent enough
  • I haven’t got enough qualifications
  • I’ve failed at so many other things, I’d only fail again
  • I’m not brave enough

We all have doubts in ourselves from time to time but to let the negative rule our lives constantly will only lead to self-doubt and our goals remaining in the impossible dream category.

Now you have your written list of dreams, put it somewhere you will see it daily. Remind yourself what you want to achieve and who you want to be. This reminder will be a daily catalyst to make the changes you need, in order to achieve your dreams.

Take it to the next level...

Now, make a list of goals that will help you achieve the points on your list. Identify where you would need to step out of your comfort zone and make sure you keep these as a priority. Even if it makes you feel on edge about ticking these off, try and push yourself to get them done, sooner rather than later. 

Let’s look at an example:

Jonny runs regularly to keep fit but has always wanted to run a marathon. He has never had the confidence to consider it before as He doesn’t feel he could ever run the whole distance and worries that his friends and family would laugh at the thought of it. 

By taking the simple steps above, Jonny writes down his main goal of running the London Marathon. He then breaks it down into smaller goals:

  • Make an application for the marathon for next year
  • Tell his closest family and friends that he has applied – celebrate it on social media
  • Hire a personal trainer for two sessions a month for accountability
  • Increase daily runs by 10 minutes per day
  • Complete a half marathon within the next 6 months
  • Run a practice distance at least once a month within 6 months

As Jonny ticks off each of the goals to realise his dream, he is building his confidence to actually complete the marathon. 

As you achieve each goal, make sure to reflect on your progress and look at how you accomplished it. How does it make you feel to tick it off the list? What did you do that took you out of your comfort zone? How did this build your confidence? 

You can now see how to get to where you want to be and what are the blockades in the way. Building your confidence slowly will give you the momentum to move from one thing to the next, smashing through the barriers that once held you in limbo.

By looking at the destination, we can map out how we can get there. We might hit a few bumps in the road but we know that if we slow down, identify the risk, continue slowly and surely, we will get to the other side. This is how we grow and evolve as humans. 

Take a look at my video about overcoming my fear of online videos. 

What will you do now? You’ve identified to yourself that you want to build your confidence to realise your dreams. Going it alone is possible but can be scary without the right support.

Make sure you get your closest friends and family onboard and understand what it is that you are looking to achieve and tell them how they can best support you.

Book in a call with me. We can chat about where your limiting beliefs have come from and I can help you find the right course of action for YOU. We can talk about your dreams, goals, desires and map out how you can achieve what you may be thinking is impossible.

Take the steps today to build your tomorrow!

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Tammy Whalen Blake

Founder of go to yellow
Personal Development Coach

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Defeat The Inner Critic

defeat the inner critic

Redefining Success | Resorting Life Balance

defeat the inner critic

#7 Defeat The Inner Critic

“You’re a failure!”

“You can’t do that!”

“Don’t bother, you’ll never be good enough!”

Do these phrases sound familiar? Do you hear these words often? How does it make you feel to hear such negative things about yourself? The words that spring to mind are demoralising, demotivating, sad, to name a few.

Who is it that is saying these things to you? Well, I would bet that you’re the only one saying them.

I think anyone would be hard-pressed to say that they had never criticised themselves or talked themselves down; in fact, I can guarantee that most people are their own worst critics.

But, how have we become so disillusioned with our own value and self-worth? 

The problem at play here is the classic ‘Imposter Syndrome’. Think about it, would you talk to a friend or colleague with the same disdain? So, why treat yourself in this way? There has to be a reason for it as we aren’t born to not believe in ourselves.

Imposter syndrome is a psychological issue where those who are experiencing it are fearful that they will be exposed as being a fraud, even when they are totally competent or experienced in what it is that they do. It’s a total lack of self-confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Have you ever played down your achievements or accomplishments? Do you feel that your successes ‘just happened’ at the right time or there were other people involved that you could attribute the glory to? Do you feel like you aren’t worthy of praise or acknowledgement? How about the job roles you haven’t applied for because you don’t have confidence in your abilities, even though you trained for such positions?

These thoughts and feelings can all be classified in the Imposter Syndrome bracket; but what is the impact of continuing to let yourself feel this way?

A lack of confidence will undoubtedly hold you back from achieving your dreams. It will stop you from progressing in your career. It could even stop you from enjoying life and everything that comes with it. These will have a lasting and damaging impact on you and your wellbeing.

What is it that has given you this false belief that you simply aren’t good enough or you’re not up to the grade? Was it a bad experience that you’ve had that knocked you down? Was it society telling you that you aren’t good enough? Did you get to where you are through hard work without the grades? Whatever it is, it’s stopping you from living your best life!

Do you think all of those successful people woke up one day and became who they are overnight? They probably feel nervous about new ventures, just like the rest of us but they don’t succumb to their brain telling them to stay away from the risks. 

Imposter syndrome is essentially your brain playing tricks on you, probably stemming from the good old ‘fight or flight’ response to uncertain situations. We don’t have to run from gigantic dinosaurs any more but in some parts, our brains haven’t caught up with this evolution yet and so it keeps on telling us to play it safe. 

But, playing it safe isn’t going to land you your dream job or the best fun of your life. It isn’t going to bring forth the opportunities you need to inspire you and drive you forward towards realising your goals. Playing it safe will merely keep you where you are, stagnant and scared.

comfort zone

To beat this mindset, we need to flip it from its current state into a growth mindset. We need to put the monster into the box and step out of our comfort zone.

Finding new experiences that test our confidence and pose a challenge are great steps to helping us gain the confidence and results we desire.

Have a think about all of those things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t felt you were able to do them. 

What are they? List them out, make a plan; how can you work towards achieving them?

What else can you weave into the every day that will build your confidence and drown out the inner critic? Do you shy away from meeting new people as you are worried about what you’ll say? Do you stop yourself from driving to new places as you don’t feel confident on the roads? Do you wear the same old clothes as you don’t think you are worthy of trying something new and daring? 

These are all easy fixes and will help build confidence….

My advice, JUST DO IT! Ignore the part of your conscious telling you not to try and get on with it! What have you got to lose?

The more you change your thought patterns to ‘I’ll give it a try’ instead of ‘I can’t do this’ the more your confidence will blossom and the sooner that ‘Imposter’ in your psyche will disappear.

Tomorrow, I challenge you to wear something that you have been holding back wearing as you‘ve been worried about the response from others. Or, wear that bright shade of lipstick you haven’t felt brave enough to wear out yet. Better still, strike up a conversation with someone in the supermarket or in a coffee shop.

Seek out the opportunities to help you face what it is you are most fearing and use the situation as a lesson in how you coped. What did you do, how did you push yourself to do it and did it feel as bad as you had imagined when you had done it? Did you make you feel empowered? Did it make you feel more valued? Were you surprised at how well you coped and ultimately, would you step forward and do it again?

The most important part is the repetition.

Make sure you find ways to challenge yourself, to put yourself in situations that would normally feel uncomfortable (as long as it leads to the desired outcome of course – and don’t put yourself in danger!).

It’s only when we push ourselves to be brave do we start to live with more conviction. Living in fear of what maybe will only keep you in your box, looking out at the life you want to live. 

Wear the hat, sing in the street, make that call, apply for that job, say YES, find the life you dream of!

Repair today to avoid the despair of tomorrow

Download this PDF to help you identify the inner critic and how you can shift it to something more empowering.

>DOWNLOAD WORKBOOK<

I have a programme for those who want more out of life and to find the confidence that is hidden inside. UNLEASH THE BEST OF YOU will help you build your confidence and discover a side of you you never would have believed existed. Follow this link to read more and register to be a part of the programme. >CLICK HERE< 

Start living your best life by being your best self today!

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Tammy Whalen Blake

Founder of go to yellow
Personal Development Coach

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It's Your Turn

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Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back

Question Mark on Yellow Background

Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back

Man Standing Holding A Tablet Behind Curtain

Our brains can detect potentially dangerous situations and our natural instinct is to stay safe. So when the going gets tough, guess what we will do? 

Yep, we will keep ourselves in our comfort zone!

The zone of no growth.

Yellow people actively reflect and plan for the future. They identify what is holding them back and are ruthless on their journey to success. 

We all have some or all of the 7 fears types. The challenge we have is allowing fears to control us instead of managing them.

When we crush fears, it allows us to get through the storm to enjoy the beauty in life.

What personally held me back for many years was being judged and not accepted, in society and within my career. So I stayed safe at the detriment of my own wellbeing and career development. It was me who lost in that situation.

The day I woke up to my fears, I learned how to use them to my advantage so that my life started to change for the better. 

I launched my own business in a field that I had never worked in before. I knew my passion, and I owned my fears.

Are you ready to be bold too?

So what are the 7 types of fear?

The procrastinator

The Procrastinator is closely linked with the perfectionist. These people must perfect everything, and so obsess with the end product. The planning stages never quite gets finished or if they do start, they struggle to stop until it has been “perfected” to their very high standards. 

The Rule Follower 

is exactly as it sounds! Compelled to act and behave accordingly to the clear definitions of what’s right and wrong, even if it’s at the expense of your own success. Rule followers constantly think about making the right decision and what they might miss out on if they took the one option and not the other. 

People Pleaser

Struggling with the fear of being judged or worry about what others think about you. God forbid someone might be disappointed – people-pleasers would do whatever the other wants instead. Saying no is a challenge. Having boundaries even harder. 

Pessimist

Are fearful of adversity or pain. Hard times in life feel more like stop signs rather than stepping stones to success. They believe that old problems get in the way of them moving forward.

An outcast

is common for entrepreneurs. Others see them as fearless but deep down, an outcast is afraid of rejection so they push away people first. Asking for help is another problem to overcome. Trusting others to achieve an outcome is a constant internal battle when they want to do it all themselves. 

^ this was me! I felt like I was not good enough in my role, and if I exposed myself, I may be fired. I never asked for help and went on to limit my personal and career development 🙁

Self-Doubters

The deep feelings of insecurity about their capabilities. Seeing the world as an opportunity is difficult when they are so “stuck” in moving forward. Judging others who take big leaps is a way of hiding their own fears.

Excuse Maker 

We all know a few of these. Excuse makers rarely take responsibility for their life choices and goals are a mammoth challenge. Instead of taking the bold step to lead, they take a “laid back” approach to life. They find it easier for others to make decisions for them. Excuse makers always find a reason to not start, they tend to be in lack of something like money, time, a team etc. 

Each of these fears requires a particular thought pattern to reprogramme it. 

The main thing to note is that without knowing which fear is holding you back and learning how to step out of your comfort zone, you will continue to repeat the same things over and over again. 

WANT TO LEARN YOUR FEAR TYPE & WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT?

Schedule your call with me, go through a questionnaire to identify your fear type and together we can devise a plan to overcome the fear in order to achieve your biggest goals. 

BOOK TODAY HERE >>> gotoyellow.co.uk/schedule-a-call

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Tammy Whalen Blake

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Personal Development Coach

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Art of Fulfilment

Art of Fulfilment

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WHAT’S THE KEY TO FULFILLMENT?

Tony Robbins, a world authority on leadership psychology and the number 1 life and business strategist, created the Art of Fulfilment by sharing insights into mastering 2 important lessons to an epic life.  

Starting with the science of achievement which can be understood by the three forces of creation; focus, massive action and grace. However this is only half the story of success.

To be wholly fulfilled, not just from achievement, you must also live a rich life (not the financial kind). This goes beyond success. It can be achieved by finding what makes you yellow, contributing to lasting happiness.

 

MASTERING THE SCIENCE OF ACHIEVEMENT

Achievement is defined as a thing done successfully with effort, skill, or courage. Tony describes these as the following three forces. Without these, the Art of Fulfilment is difficult if you haven’t achieved anything.

 

FORCE 1: FOCUS

Fueling your focus requires desire and hunger, without this you will be unable to progress to the end. By channelling the power of clarity and commitment, results in making something happen. Activating your Reticular Activating System (RAS) allows for energy to flow to the desired success.

FORCE 2: MASSIVE ACTION

If you’re not moving forwards with the current tactics, it is time to change. Keep trying and trying, until you have mastered the task at hand. Just like learning to ride a bike, if you fall off, do you keep trying or do you give up? The best way to do this is find someone who has mastered the same task and model them. This allows for you to learn at pace than doing it alone. Learn from someone else mistakes and failures.

FORCE 3: GRACE

Some call this the “lucky”, “fortunate” or “the universe is talking to you”, whatever you want to call it, the fact is that there are times when something beyond our control happens, this is grace. Being open and accepting to grace allows for a better understanding of giving back, this is another key factor in fulfilment.

CREATING A RICH AND FULL LIFE

We have seen many people in the public eye who have a very successful career, lots of financial freedom and a fun-filled lifestyle however they remain unhappy. We view them as successful but what they aren’t, is fulfilled. If something is familiar to you, the more use you are to it, the less appreciative you become. You have the power to change this. With the right help, go to yellow can guide you to truly live a rich and full life.

UNDERSTANDING THE ART OF FULFILLMENT

To repeat the introductory message – To be wholly fulfilled, not just from achievement, you must also live a rich (not meaning financial) life. This goes beyond success. You need to live your best life possible. This can be achieved by finding what makes you feel yellow, resulting in lasting happiness.

Our minds are programmed to find faults and failures, this mindset can be altered by appreciation, instead of living in your familiarity and having expectations. Practising gratitude daily or seeking the positive in any given situation has improved successful in reaching fulfilment. Appreciate the little things such as your child looking directly into your eyes as they speak, that they want to fully connect with you or the text message from your partner wishing good night, they’ve taken the time to let you know they love you and are thinking of you. The energy that radiates your being will be infectious – people will feel the appreciation and often than not, repeat the act.

Science of achievement + Art of Fulfilment = Yellow!

 

Ready to go deeper on this topic with the master of personal development, Tony Robbins? 

Purchase one of his top selling books on personal achievement: Unlimited Power

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Healthy Boundaries are your friends

Healthy Boundaries are your friends

1.-Mastermind-images-5

Tired of being a yes person? Saying yes to everyone else but yourself. 

Understand that boundaries are about your relationship with yourself and your values, and that they shouldn’t be so unsettled.

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and understanding your identity. Whether in work or in our personal relationships, poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger and burnout. 

Here is how to be more yellow with setting boundaries…

Know your boundaries

These are your values. Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself. Notice how you feel – if stressed, resentful or angry, your values have been taken advantage of. Physical boundaries include your body, sense of personal space and sexual orientation. Emotional boundaries include beliefs, behaviours, choices, sense of responsibility, and your ability to be intimate with others.

You can’t change others, so change yourself

Since you can’t change other people, change how you deal with them. They may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work. Remain firm! 
For example, dealing with those who emotionally blackmail to get what they want. Start declining the workload, and eventually they will stop asking. Over time you will handle your emotional responses better. 

Let your behaviour, not your words, speak for you

Your boundaries will be tested. Decide what the consequences are and stick to it. Don’t present them with an ultimatum. For example, “During work hours, I will not look at my mobile phone to avoid unnecessary distractions. If you get in touch, I will contact you later in the day”

Other examples of consequences are:

  • Time Management – “If you are not on time, I will leave in my own car. I can meet you at the venue”
  • Money – “If you spend over our budget, I will withdraw my money and use a separate account”
  • Repaying debts – “until I see you making efforts to pay me back, I will no longer lend you money”
  • Family Time – “I would love to bring your grandchildren to see you, but if you prefer to watch TV during their visit, it’s best we visit another time”
  • Relationship Conflict – “to keep our children safe from the alcohol abuse, we will move out of the house until you have control of your addiction”

Communicate

You can have the most healthy set of boundaries but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved. Be direct if necessary. 

We conceal our true feelings because we’re scared of people’s reactions. The more you ground yourself with your boundaries and values, the more you’ll be able to be very clear in your communication. 

You’ll know you’re getting healthier when this doesn’t get an emotional reaction out of you. When your boundaries are your core beliefs, you will not get riled up if you are tested.

Ready to discover your values? 

Let me help you discover your values.  I will give you 30 minutes of my time free of charge and, in return, you will give me an open mind to explore yourselves deeper.  Once you know your code of conduct, you will be better able to communicate them and set boundaries.

Schedule your call here https://gotoyellow.co.uk/schedule-a-call/ and let’s create a mental environment where you put your needs first. 

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Picture of Tammy Whalen Blake

Tammy Whalen Blake

Founder of go to yellow
Mindset & Personal Development Coach